I have been frequenting soft play areas for a number of years now. As such I have had time to observe the many different types of people who also go to these places. Below are a description of the main groups I have noted.

The label mums

These mums are dressed head to toe in designer gear. Not a smidge of Primani in sight. Their babies are all adorned in baby Gucci and Ralph Lauren. No George at Asda rubbish there! The messy bun is perfect and their Mac make up is flawless. Yes you’re right I’m totally envious of their messy bun. This is a category I have never been in.

The Helicopters

Ok before anyone gets their knickers in a twist that I’m being a judgy pants I HAVE been in this category, with my first son. I was just a tad overprotective but I did know it and tried to back off but it’s scary as shit the when your first kid goes down a big slide for the first time. These mums can be found hovering around their kids incase they trip and hurt themselves on the soft foam. Occasionally they will hover into another parents domain judging them to be not adequately supervising their offspring. Helicopter parents are fine but don’t piss in anyone elses pond ok!

The Hot Mess

Arrives at the play area as they are opening the doors with her toddler. He has been awake since 5am and she hasn’t slept for approximately 3 years. Her messy bun is more Trunchbull than topknot. She knows all the staff by name as she buys so many cups of coffee. Usually has some baby food/vomit/other on her shirt. (Actual description of me).

The Blind mums

Nope I’m not on about a group of people who are actually blind. We all know these mums. Get to the play area, let the kids go free. Sit back and ignore the fact that little Jonny is pushing someone about and being mean. If you think I’m being judgy I really don’t care. This happens and it really grinds my gears. I don’t care if you’re on your phone/chatting whatever. So am I but I’m still keeping an eye on my kid to make sure he’s not being dick.

The Grandparent

You can usually figure this out by the age. Not always obvious as some grand parents are really young. They are relaxed and they are also wise. They have done this all with 4 kids, no TV or I pad or soft play area. This morning in a soft play area is a walk in the park for these guys. I hold them all in reverence that they never lost their frikking minds! They are always great to chat too as well.

The Dad

The dad’s walk about making this parenting gig look easy. They are almost all always wearing shorts and sliders even in the winter. It’s like some kind of uniform. They are always alone not in groups like the mums. Mostly they can be found running through the play frame enjoying more than their kid.

The Veteran Mum

You can spot this mum easily. She has one baby hanging off her boob, decaf coffee in the other hand while she watches her other 2 small kids in the play frame. She’s phased by very little. She’s seen it all before (twice) and doesn’t panic over anything or lose her shit (in public at least). I’m in awe of these mums as they make it look so easy managing multiple kids and keeping it cool.

Which mum are you?

I think I’ve pretty much covered all groups. If you think I have missed anyone out let me know in the comments. Don’t forget to subscribe to get my blog straight to your inbox.

Love and peace xx