I have been meaning to write for some time but I didn’t know how to start. There are some things I need to tell you.
Firstly, be kind to yourself. The world can be harsh enough without you beating yourself up over something that’s not going to matter in 5 years or even months. That voice inside your head that makes you obsess over little things…it lies. Your anxiety is gonna hang around for a long time but you will get to a point that it’s manageable so keep on keeping on. You will get there.
You are not fat! Girl you have an amazing body. Don’t be ashamed of it. You will spend so much time obsessing over how bad you look you’ll never appreciate how good you look right now. Trust me it’s amazing! You don’t need a boob job and you definitely don’t need liposuction. You may want to rethink on the dodgy perm though!
I know you worry whether people like you and you try and please people just to make sure they do. Believe me when I say what other people think of you is none of your business. When you learn that you will start giving zero effs what others think and that will allow you to be your authentic self. And you know what? She’s pretty great. Sure she mucks up (a lot) but she’s got a heart of gold and a determination of steel. The right people are going to stick around and the wrong ones will just follow their own paths to wherever they are headed. Let them go.
You will have some unbelievably difficult decisions to make. Things that will change you forever but you will get through it because you are a warrior. There are people that will break you into so many pieces that you think you will never be whole again. Let them. Objects that crack allow the light in. Let it in. You will feel whole again. Trust in the universe and that everything is unfolding as it should be. And it will.
Noone is responsible for your happiness except for you. Don’t allow anyone to have that power over you. When you give someone permission to have control over your feelings you disempower yourself. It will take you a long time to realise your own self worth. When you do you will never tolerate anyone’s bullshit ever again. I promise.
Your parents are right. I know you don’t want to listen to them and think you know best and that is fine. You need to make mistakes to learn. And sometimes you will learn the hard way (more than you would believe). But when you are being given advice be more gracious in your refusal to take it on board. One day you will realise that they were right and you will wish you had listened more.
You do not need one more shot! (See pic no further explanation needed!)
Be reassured that there will be ups and at least as many downs but the way it’s turning out is really good. During the hard times are when your character is being made. I promise you there is not one single thing I would change because it has made us who we are today. Don’t let life make you hard. Let the shit happen and leave karma deal with it. The wheel always turns.
The most important message I want to give you dear Cath is that, I would do it all again. As it is, without edits. So please hang on to that when you are rolling through the rough. Yes some of the lows are pretty low but they will change you and mould you into someone pretty great (if I do say so myself). Nothing in life that’s worth having comes easy. And I’m pretty sure that no great person ever go to where they are without some adversity.
I am here waiting for you. Sipping a gin. It’s gonna be ok. I promise.
Love and peace,
Future you xxx