Cleaning out my closet.

Screenshot_20181107_123124I’m not sorry mamma because it’s long overdue! I may have mentioned before I have a slight tendancy to hoarding. I just get attached to things, they bring me memories. You know what I mean right?

Anyway, as you know I have been having cognitive behaviour therapy. This was something we discussed in my last session. You see, I have all these clothes from before I was pregnant that don’t fit me anymore. I fully expected to be back in my pre pregnancy clothes within a few months, just like I was after my first son. In fact after him I went down an extra dress size. But as every baby is different, so is every pregnancy and so is every post pregnant body. I had gained more weight in this pregnancy due to various issues. Another factor was that my second son was such an easy baby in comparison with my first. My eldest had colic, reflux and generally refused to sleep unless in my arms or if I was out walking so I rarely had time to rest, eat properly and walked A LOT.Screenshot_20181107_122542

So these clothes are just the hanging in my wardrobe taunting me. Making me feel bad that I haven’t got back into shape and that my body is not as perfect as I want it to be. Every now and then I will get something out and try it on. Nope still doesn’t fit. And then I feel depressed for a few days. There are 1 pair of jeans in particular that I like to torture myself with. It is a stick I keep beating myself with. Instead of embracing my new shape I was just frustrated and unhappy. Yes it is less than perfect but I have grown 2 babies in it, the last one being a chunky boy, and to deliver those 2 babies I had to have 2 C sections. My body has worked hard  to bring 2 beautiful children into the world. So I have decided I need to accept it and care for it. Because continuing to beat myself with that stick is counter productive. Feeling depressed I comfort eat and then I just feel worse. It is time to take some control back. Starting with throwing that stick in the bin! So…I’m cleaning out my closet.IMG_20181107_120858.jpg

What a cathartic experience! Once I got started and I got over the remorse that I was throwing these things away. Things I was attached to because they reminded me of a time when I was happy with my body. Things that had particular good memories attached to them. I was on a roll. It was all going to the charity bin. Anything that didn’t fit… OUT. If it made me sad and not happy…OUT. My therapist suggested I took pictures of things I was particularly attached to. Which I did.IMG_20181107_121703.jpg

Do you know what? I feel so much better. What a freeing experience. I can now concentrate on learning to love  my body again with all its imperfections and generally being kinder to myself. Best thing of all?….guess I need to buy some new clothes now.Screenshot_20181107_131248.jpg

Published by th3secretlifeofme

CRUNCHY ON THE OUTSIDE, SOFT ON THE INSIDE. That probably sums me up perfectly. I haven't written an about me since I joined a dating site in 2009. That wasn't my header for that site by the way! Anyway, that was a lifetime ago in another world (thankfully). But I still feel tongue-tied (type-tied?) as to what to put in this section. I would love it to flow and sound like I am some kind of pro, I have even googled what makes a good about me but in all honesty I am just a mum trying to write about my life to help me make sense of it all. I am a mum to 4 fabulous children. I gave birth to 2 of them and a bonus 2 ❤️. The Gamer is 16, the Princess is 12, the Minion is 6 and the Munchkin is almost 1. Things i write about are things that inspire me, some things will hopefully be funny, I will also write about my journey through post-natal depression with anxiety and what has helped me. I hope you enjoy my blog. I am one of Mybump2babys favourite bloggers

One thought on “Cleaning out my closet.

  1. Letting shit go is definitely something Midwife’s, doctors and mum advice sites leave off all preparation books and lists! I was still clinging onto size 10 outfits from 2 years ago when Milo was just born…also doing CBT too. Xxx


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